


5x Mark took it out on his figurative staff

by casey_sms (shinygreenwords), shinygreenwords



Category: The Social Network
Genre: Community: tsn_kinkmeme, Crack, Crossdressing, Eavesdropping, Humor, M/M, Masturbation, Oblivious, Phone Sex, Pre-Slash, Seduction, Voyeurism, walk in on someone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-05
Updated: 2011-02-05
Packaged: 2017-10-15 10:03:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/159706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinygreenwords/pseuds/casey_sms, https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinygreenwords/pseuds/shinygreenwords
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which there is ridiculous amounts of masturbation and Mark is a perve.</p><p>For <a href="http://community.livejournal.com/tsn_kinkmeme/1522.html?thread=1942258#t1942258">this not!prompt</a> at <a href="http://community.livejournal.com/tsn_kinkmeme/profile"><img/></a><a href="http://community.livejournal.com/tsn_kinkmeme/"><b>tsn_kinkmeme</b></a> requesting Mark taking his feelings out on his <strike>staff</strike> dick.</p>
            </blockquote>





	5x Mark took it out on his figurative staff

**Author's Note:**

> **Warning/Kinks:** Cracky shenanigans. Not meant to be taken seriously ok?
> 
> I ~~was going to write the real prompt but then this got seconded ...well this happened.~~ am filling the real one (Mark taking it out on his staff) when I'm not letting prompts queue jump like crazy. Also, according to [this article](http://www.slashfilm.com/the-truth-behind-the-social-network/) the original FaceMash apparently included dudes as well (my new personal canon may be that Mark is bi --> gay for Eduardo). Anyway, I’m sticking to movie version.

1.

Eduardo was on his hands and knees. In front of him. Like right there. Mark wanted to feel his ass, to squeeze a cheek. How has he never noticed Eduardo’s ass or how well his pants frame them he doesn’t know. He apparently also never noticed that he’s gay for Eduardo. (Ok he’s gay too but he’s a happy person. He just doesn’t show it much unless he’s planning to destroy someone’s self-esteem. Or you know the self-esteem of every single girl on campus. It should say something there.)

Eduardo who is looking for his USB which Mark has suddenly remembered that he might have lent to Chris.

“I can’t find it,” Wardo says sadly.

If Mark takes his feelings out on his dick, it’s between him and his dick.

2.

FaceMash is a hit. He knows he’s awesome. (Now everyone knows too.)

“Yes!” Mark punched the air. Mark jumps up and he might have accidentally bumped his dick on the table.

He’s lying on the floor when Eduardo comes back.

“Mark? Are you ok?”

“I’m in pain,” Mark says pitifully. He’s trying to disguise that he’s cupping his balls by hunching over into a ball of misery.

“I know.” Eduardo has his tell-me-your-troubles voice that he always uses with Mark’s girl problems. Except this isn’t a girl problem. It’s a guy problem.

“I mean I’m in _pain._ ” Mark tries to commit his wretchedness to the one word, like ‘Eduardo I just kicked myself in the dick, please kiss it better’ and oh god, he doesn’t want to get hard right now. It hurts.

“You’re drunk, Mark,” Eduardo says with a fond smile. “Here, let me take care of you. Let’s get you off the floor.”

Eduardo’s hands on him somehow make him feel a little better. Still, he would have preferred a kiss.

3.

Mark walks in on Dustin and his girlfriend. He doesn’t feel the need to walk out because it’s his dorm too and the couch is communal property. The two of them are too caught up to stop.

On closer look, ‘Christina’ has a dick sticking out from under ‘her’ miniskirt and looks an awful lot like Chris. The dude. Who Mark and Dustin live with.

Huh.

He takes his confusion out on his dick. His dick doesn’t really protest. Not that it could. (He’s glad. He’d hate to have an argument with his own dick. With his extensive intelligence, his downstairs brain would equal arguing with the row crew. Been there done that.)

4.

Mark doesn’t meant to but Eduardo is sleeping in his bed (like perfectly normal heterosexual life partners who sleep together naked). So they both don’t wear pajamas, it’s no big deal. It’s a pretty common college practice. Even though he really wishes that Dustin would wear pants when he’s ‘gaming’ with Chris. Really. No one needs to see that. (He will never think of game controllers the same way.)

So Mark has to use the bathroom. And he might have seen Eduardo’s dick when he peeled the covers back. Like. Just a glimpse. A glorious glimpse that he’s committed to his photographic memory and spank bank.

Dammit, Eduardo has the dick of a porn star.

Mark goes back in the bathroom and shoves the towel in his mouth before reaching down and stroking himself.

5.

He doesn’t mean to listen in but it’s like 4am in the morning and Eduardo’s silent ringtone woke him. (Whoever thinks these things are silent are stupid. They’re so fucking loud. Plus, his bed is vibrating in the middle of the night. It’s cause to wake up.)

“Hello?”

Eduardo is unfailingly polite although his voice is still rough from sleep. It’s kind of sexy.

“Christy, its 4am,” Eduardo says.

“You want to what?”

“I can’t have…” Eduardo lowers his voice. “I can’t have phone sex with you right now!”

“Why not? Because um it’s 4am, Christy.”

“No, I’m not sleeping with anyone else. Like having sex.”

Eduardo is entirely too honest.

“No, I’m not having sex with anyone.”

“I’m not cheating on you. I promise.”

“I swear.”

“No, nothing is going on.”

Eduardo is sounding a little desperate.

“…alright.” Eduardo gets up and goes to the bathroom. Mark thinks that’s the end of it but it isn’t. If Mark wasn’t, like, wide awake then he would be right now. Eduardo goes in and puts the seat down and cover down and sits on top. Not that Mark is peeking. He doesn’t shut the door completely because the last 4 inches of the sliding door is really squeaky. (Mark has been meaning to get maintenance to fix it. Honestly.)

The bathroom is not soundproof. In fact it’s has excellent acoustics. Mark has always had good hearing. So both of these combined means that it sounds like he’s whispering in Mark’s ear. Eduardo proceeds to have excellent phone sex which gives Mark vagina envy. Eduardo’s breathing gets heavier and he gets off too. But of course not before giving her several orgasms saying, “Come for me now” and some choice words in Portuguese.

He doesn’t know if it’s more embarrassing to have come from Eduardo’s voice or to pretend he had a wet dream like some teenager. He’s nineteen ok? It doesn’t count. He grabs an old t-shirt to clean himself off and cover the wet patch.

Eduardo also apparently has really good stamina. They talked for at least an hour until Mark heard the familiar sounds of Eduardo taking a shower. Eduardo. Wet. Naked. Covered with his own cum. Eduardo.

Mark rolls over to Eduardo’s side of the bed and jerks off again.

(He can always blame Chris and Dustin when Eduardo has to do the laundry. He _knows_ they had sex in his bed. He didn’t catch them with his laptop camera like he said he did. He just knows Dustin’s guilty look. Funnily enough, it was Wardo who was more upset about it.

Chris and Dustin didn’t call him on it.)

  
+1

“Seriously Mark, if it’s that important you shouldn’t leave your things lying around,” Eduardo says snippily but he gets on his knees anyway. “This is the 68th thing you’ve lost since the start of term and the 27th time you’ve lost your USB. I swear I’m going to get you a Harvard lanyard and make you hang the damn thing around your neck if you keep doing this.” He’s really hot when he’s angry. Mark wonders if it’s breaking up with Christy that has made Eduardo extra mad. So he’s extra hot. Mark also likes competence. Eduardo has definitely been keeping up. Eduardo is also entirely too forgiving because by Mark’s count its 69 if you include that time he might have accidentally lost Wardo’s econ textbook under his bed. Well really the piles of stuff in his room all kicked under the bed. (It really was an accident. Plus, he helped Eduardo find it because Eduardo had freaked out and he felt bad.)

“Are you even trying to find it?” Eduardo is flushed and his collar is wide open.

Mark doesn’t have the heart to tell him that there is no missing USB. He decides not to take it out on his cock and let Eduardo take it out on him. Preferably on his cock.

“I found it.”

“Mark!” Eduardo is exasperated. “Where did you put it now?”

Mark grabs Eduardo’s hand and sticks it right where his words direct them. “In my pants.”


End file.
